On day one of meeting Devon, I had the opportunity to sit with her and ask her about her life. She was unhappy, unhealthy, and in a bad place in life. So I presented her a journal, my book, and asked her to have a mantra she could use every single day we were together so that she could begin to develop a positive mindset. I knew this would ultimately be important in us “winning.”
Her is an example of one of her journal entries on Day #3.
Two days ago I began an amazing and life changing journey.
If you would have asked me a few months ago what I would be doing now, I probably would have said that I am going to be killing myself at work, being my parents mediator/therapist and eating buffalo chicken fingers and pizza every Friday and Saturday night. Then this happens. Being a part of this show is so surreal to me. Lights, cameras, producers. It is truly the craziest thing I have ever done.
Throughout my life I have always done what I perceived as the “right” thing. Gone down the path that would make my family proud and others envious. High School to college, College to a great job etc. But everyday I felt like something was missing. I kept thinking what is next? There was no longer a life plan, like going through school to getting a job, moving out etc. That part was over and I successfully completed my path that lead me to this point. But is this the end? Do I now just work in this job until retirement and hope that along the way I meet a nice guy get married and live the “American Dream”? What even is the American dream? What is my dream…
These questions ran through my head everyday and being a 24 year old adult, it was time for me to make my own decisions on my life and my future and that was a scary thought. I couldn’t tell you I was happy every day. But in the back of my head I felt like I should be. I had what many others wanted, I am successful professionally, making 6 figures straight out of college, I am living and supporting myself and yet I feel like some huge part of me is missing. Or maybe that part of me has never actually been found.
I have now come to realize that the part of me I am missing is nothing I can buy. No new job, new clothes or another cat (does three make me actually crazy) would change it. It came from deep within me. I have no self confidence. I regret every decision I make and I focus every single day on the negatives in my life. In an age where social media surrounds us, it is so easy to look at others Facebook lives and be envious.
All of these things were making me so depressed. I had to take Adderall to motivate me and get me up in the morning, and sleeping pills to drown out the negative thoughts in my head at night. I felt like I was just going through the motions every day and not getting any fulfillment out of it. It was here where I started having my “quarter life crisis”. I knew that I needed to change but was so afraid to make the wrong decisions, and fail. However, I was more afraid that I would wake up twenty or thirty years from now and feel like I wasted my life and not be happy with the life I made and the person I became. Seeing my mother go through that, nearly killed me.
Our family was ripped apart and my heart was broken to see my best friend, my mother, be turned into my worst enemy. I can honestly say that I was about as unhappy as I have ever been in my life over these past two years. But then a crazy thing happened and I got a constant contact email blast about a new fitness show for individuals wanting to lose 20-40lbs and become not only physically strong but mentally strong. Deep down I knew that this was my chance to make a change and without really knowing what I was signing up for I for the first time, went out on a limb and applied.
As I sit and reflect on that decision I finally know why it was so scary for me. It was because this is the first true risk I have ever taken . This was off of my perceived “path” in life and I had to make the decision to risk my job and comfort to do this. And let me tell you in the THREE days I have been here, I have never felt so happy and at peace then I do tight now. In only three days I have grown so much more than I ever could have expected.
As I put on my olive jersey and look in the mirror, I know that this is going to be one scary, crazy and hopefully rewarding journey, and I’m all in. Take your mark, get set, go.
Goal: Stop saying I cant.